I like when you can give ‘em back.

Lately the talk of children has been thick in the air. Other people’s children, that is! I suppose I am at that age where my friends are starting to get knocked up, and people are expecting the hubby and I to follow suit. Can I just mention that there are no plans for now?! I am only just finishing university and I have the makings of a career to get on with, as well as spending much needed time with the husband before we think about adding sleeplessness, morning sickness and all manner of poop to our life events! Upon reflection, that kind of sounds like the uni life…oh dear…see why I’m not ready yet?

Overzealous relatives, take note! No babies happening soon!!

Last weekend we spent a lot of time with our godson (1 year old) and his sister (3 years old) who were getting baptised. We had an amazing time, but I did realise that it takes a certain amount of superhuman strength to have kiddlywinks!

The weekend statistics:

4 Bubble blowing sessions:
Lots of fun until you run out of detergent solution and Miss 3 starts huffing and puffing a soapie kind of spittle all over you while laughing her head off in that evil way that only little girls can.

2 “Picnics”:
This is a very precise routine. You must first lay down a rug. You will be ordered to help make it straight. Then you must sit on the rug and let Miss 3 pour you a cup of imaginary tea from her Disney themed tea set. You must be seen to drink and enjoy the imaginary tea or you will face disapproving looks. You must also pretend to eat a plastic chicken drumstick – after it has been in the mouth of Mr 1. If Mr 1 wanders over and tries to eat a plastic spoon from the picnic kit, you must break up the sibling fight. Immediately.

6 Games of Hide and Seek:
Of course, you have to be the ’seeker’ first. You must count to five and then when Miss 3 is out of earshot you simply carry on your conversation with the other grown ups. After a couple of minutes of peace, you must shout, “Ready or not, here I come!”
This is followed by wandering around the house/backyard pretending you cannot see Miss3 hiding in the same place as usual. If you get close to her, she will giggle very conspicuously. When you are tired of pretending you can’t find her, you act surprised to see her under the trampoline/wrapped in her bedspread!

When you are the ‘hider’, you don’t really have to do too much besides crouch somewhere and cover your face with your hands (that apparently makes you invisible). You will overhear Miss 3 counting, “1…2…3…5…ready or not…I come!”

Miss 3 will pretend she can’t find you for a very extended period of time while the other grown ups will laugh at you.

If you are sick of playing Hide and Seek, you pretend to be a tree while falling over giggling and she will give up because you are clearly being very lame.

3 Toilet Training Sessions:
Miss 3 will know what to do, but you must keep her focused. For example, remind her to pull her pants back up afterwards or she will run around the house with them around her ankles.

Also, while she is peeing it is important to watch her every move while she grunts and squeals despite only doing number 1s. If you go to close the door ever so slightly, she will cry out with anxiety and indignation that you wouldn’t want to watch.

Do not forget about all the toilet training paraphernalia that needs removing from the toilet when you need to do your own business later.

53 “Not Yet”s:
Any time you suggest something to Miss 3, such as washing her hands after going to the toilet, wiping her bottom after going to the toilet, saying goodnight to you, eating her breakfast etc, she will reply with “Not yet” in a very authoritative tone. You must not be fooled by this, and must be persistent where it counts.

15 000 000 Photographs of Miss 3 and Mr 1:
Yep, they’re so adorable and I had an amazing time with them.

I’m so in love with those kids and I enjoy every minute with them (minus the toilet thing)! However, by the end of the weekend I was so exhausted. I needed a LOT of sleep and some time to recover from the shock to my system that is children!! I honestly don’t know how parents do it. I was so ready to go home and have a tiny break – yep, I’m weak and pathetic!

One day the hubby and I will have our own little whipper-snappers, but for now it’s nice to be the honorary Aunt and Uncle who show up, make a mess, hype the children up and then go home!!

Um…I’m one of THOSE girls.

Yep. It’s true. I am one of those girls. I do some really stereotypically feminine things that I really should be euthanised for, despite my best efforts not to.

I try really hard to be less annoyingly girly. I yell at football players on the telly even though they can’t even hear me. I know some stuff about cars (admittedly I’m no awesome expert but I have some interest). I like to leave piles of clothes all over my bedroom and bathroom so it doesn’t look like I care too much about cleanliness. I burp. I make other noises that perhaps aren’t so ladylike. I like a good beer. I swear like a trooper. I hoon around in my car when the hubby’s not with me (can’t wreck the image he has of me as a grandma driver that reserves the right to nag him to slow down). I will happily eat with my fingers, choosing to forego cutlery wherever possible. If I can get away with walking around the house without pants on, I will.

But sometimes I slip up and I get really… well, sometimes I act like a damn pussy!

• I cry when I watch chick flicks and if I’ve convinced the hubby to stay and watch one with me, I will give him dirty looks whenever a guy mistreats a lady in the movie, as if he – my lovely husband – is responsible for all the wrongs ever committed by mankind. And then I get upset when the hubby (for some strange reason) refuses to watch “those movies that make you angry” – his words.
• Before going out I will stomp around the house announcing that I’m so fat and nothing fits me. Yep. Then I’ll try on five outfits, returning eventually to the first one while glaring at the hubby for not agreeing with me that I’m fat even though if he really did that would bring him a whole world of pain. You’re really considering my euthanasia idea aren’t you.
• My car is a shoe closet. The other week I got pulled over by a policeman because I was driving a tad over the speed limit (OK so it was 19km an hour over). He took my license, checked it over, wrote out my fine ($150) and glanced into the back of my sedan. He then laughed in that wanky, smug way and said “You should slow down. You could have bought a pair of shoes with that money.”
  Yep. Thanks a lot, Officer.
  Oh and that day the hubby wasn’t in the car of course
• When I see photos of puppies or babies I get all squealy and say, “AWWW MY GAWWWD. That is sooooooo cute!!!! I love it!!!!”
• When I see girlfriends that I have not seen in a long time, I yell and jump up and down and flutter about like I’m having a seizure. Men are generally not amused by this type of behaviour. Lucky my man is locked in for life. Life!
• I cry during any type of televised marriage proposal. No matter how cheesy it is. No matter how wrong the couple is for each other (fictional or on a reality show). Once that dude (or chick) is on bended knee, I become an emotional wreck.
• When a lightbulb blows, I will wait an entire week if I have to, for the hubby to come home from work and change it for me. Sure, I could get the new globe, use a stepladder and fix it myself, but I decide he should do it anyway.

So yeah…it’s all out in the open now. Sympathy letters can be made out to the hubby.

And the award goes to…

Soooo…

I got this award from the amazing Alexx at Shut Up, Vita. She is soooo cool and only 18. She writes a lot about what’s going on in the media and I love how Australia-centric her blog is. She’s funny, brutally honest and her writing style is so refreshing. I could rave about her for days. I seriously have a blog crush!

I have to tell you about 7 random facts about myself. Why 7? I don’t know.

1. I am not really into publishing memes on my blog. In fact, I’m really not a fan. But sometimes I will make an exception. Like now. Because it’s nice to get an award sometimes and to show my appreciation.

2. When I’m home alone I live like the ultimate bachelor(ette?). I’ll eat takeaway as long as my conscience allows it, I will eat the same meal for three days in a row, I’ll only do the dishes every second day (provided there’s nothing too nasty going on) and I’ll often sing badly to songs I have on my computer while dancing around in nothing but a big, baggy tee and ugly underpants. I’m such a winner.

3. Not unlike Alexx, I truly cannot stand Twilight. I don’t read the books, I don’t get the whole vampire thing, I don’t think I could ever even contemplate having a crush on that pale, dirty looking Rob whatsisname or that barely pubescent (but somehow ripped) Taylor dude. I respect those who are into the whole craze, but please do not push it onto me!!I will not be converted!!

4. The hubby and I recently got a pretty big LCD television. I still feel naughty when I use it. It’s kind of like that “good” loungeroom your parents would never let you go in. Except it’s my lounge room and my television. I often retreat back to our older box styled no-name brand telly to watch my favourite shows. It just feels safer and comfier (and my DVR is in there).

5. I recently came 3rd in a gopher race. Yep, I rocked the mobility scooter at a senior’s expo. My journo friend just sent me the pics…the fear on my face says it all – and no, those photos will never see the light of day again – including on this blog! I beat an 8 year old, though. Yep, I’m not ashamed to brag about beating an 8 year old.

6. I don’t celebrate Halloween unless a particularly awesome party is planned and the hubby and I are invited. I don’t give out treats to kids who knock on the door, because I am stubbornly “Australian” and that means that Halloween isn’t our “thing”. Just forget that I watch American television, drink and eat American foods and use American sayings.

Although, this year I half heartedly decided that should some kids knock on the door, I would give them the crappy flavoured Chupa Chups that the hubby and I don’t like, that were left over from a couple of assorted flavour packs we bought recently.

No-one came to the door. Which was probably lucky because I was half passed out on the couch in the aforementioned big, dirty tee shirt and ugly underwear watching DVRd episodes of Rock of Love (soo soo bad but soo soo addictive – I hate myself for it but it’s soo good)…

7. So far (touch wood), I’ve only ever had to repeat one unit in my university course on account of failing. The unit I originally failed? Ethics. Do you know how bad it is to have to tell people you failed ethics? That’s just embarrassing! Makes me sound unethical! I actually did feel much better when I repeated it and passed earlier this year. Can I just say, I have always had strong ethical principles? I just didn’t really like the evening lectures or my weird, staring tutor.

Anyway, if you’ve made it all the way through that, I need to pass this award on to some other lovely bloggers! I guess it’s all very symmetrical because I need to list 7 of them!

I apologise if any of you have got this about 15 dozen times, but I really want to show my appreciation of your brilliant blogs. There is no pressure to participate

1. Liv of Bambola’s Diary – if ever you want to see whimsy, deep thoughts and clever life observations this is the place to go. Also, on a personal note even though I have never met her in real life, she’s just an amazing, sweet person. She always takes the time to comment on my blog, and once wrote me a love letter and sent it via snail mail.

2. Bronnie of MissB – This kiwi chick is awesome. I love her blog where she talks about relationships, her amazing weight loss efforts and about life in general. I am never bored by her and I think she’s so funny and down to earth.

3. Aliya of The View From My Shoes – This girl has the most appealing blog in the universe. I love her lovey dovey posts about her husband, her wedding recaps and her life updates.

4. Vic from What Were You Thinking? – This woman CRACKS ME UP. I seriously laugh out loud EVERY SINGLE TIME I read one of her posts. She’s hilarious. Her takes on her eccentric neighbours, her life as a parent and as a school teacher make me giggle so badly I have to make sure I’m alone when I read her blog!

5. Maxie from I Hate So Much… – It’s a no brainer really. I’ve been reading her blog for a long time and while she’s not always SFW (that stands for Safe For Work), she’s wonderfully funny. She also supported me a lot when I first started taking blogging seriously and I appreciated that so much. Awww. I bet she doesn’t even remember but I have a soft spot for her. A TMI soft spot, if we want to follow some of her blog themes…

6. Lilu of Livit, Luvit – OK, this woman is the instigator of my cringe face every Thursday when she hosts the weekly “TMI” stories of the blog world. However, my cringe face turns into a giggle face usually so that makes it all worth it. My favourite of her blog installments are her Shiz My Boyfriend Says editions.

7. Maegan of …Love Maegan – I often stare longingly at Maegan’s DIY fashion projects and wish that I had taken my mother up on her offers of sewing lessons. I love her creativity and colourful Gratuitous Outfit posts. I am also jealous of her amazing figure. Seriously. She’s hot.

OK, well that’s all the link love I can muster up for now. I hope all my readers check out these awesome blogs. You’ll know they’re awesome because I hand picked them very carefully.

Thanks for reading the longest meme on the planet. You deserve a medal. You really do. But that would be another award and I don’t have time for that

 

Melbourne Cup Day…Meh.

OK, for those not down with the Aussie social/sporting events, the Melbourne Cup is a horse race that is always on the first Tuesday of November…in Melbourne (well that’s obvious).

It is referred to as The Race that Stops a Nation. And it really is true. It does stop the nation. People who have never given a crap about a horse in their life, will stop for it. Go to lunch for it at work. Dress up for it. Watch it on large screen televisions. Fly interstate for it. Learn stuff about horses for it.

Just the same as those who never gamble on anything, let alone buy themselves lotto tickets, will venture into the TAB (or send someone because it’s out of their comfort zone), and place a bet! Or several.

Oh, and everyone just gets drunk. Usually on company time.

I personally, have never really bought into it. I’ve probably escaped it to some degree because I have been studying for 50 million years and so don’t have the workplace pressure to attend functions or the social time to do so. Let alone the gambling funds?

And let’s face it, it’s all about the fashion dahhhling. It’s more about ridiculously big hats, fascinators and apparently this year, the next “in” thing is the hat-inator. A combination of the two.

And then there’s this…

Image courtesy of OurBrisbane.com

I would also kill to see this on the field:

Lady Gaga - Trend setter.

Basically, they could be racing anything out there. Snails, porcupines, turtles, Jamaican bobsledders, pine nuts, termites, midgets…

Yep, it actually happened…

But it’s ALL about the fashion, the champagne, the ability to work a half day and about gambling.

So today I shall not turn on the television (which is just ALL Melbourne Cup fever), I shall not be looking at all the ridiculous horse names and placing a bet on the funniest one. I shall not be dressing in my finest (plus bad hat). I won’t be drunk. I won’t be poor by this afternoon.

I shall be doing assignments as usual. And I’m only slightly bitter…

 

Bossy technology.

Being a student (for the last three frickin’ years), I have spent what could probably be described as an embarrassingly large portion of my life on that pesky little social networking site otherwise known as Facebook…have you heard of it? I hear it’s not really that big yet…

Mostly this site is used for farming, joining the mafia, deciding whether you’re a pirate or a ninja (apparently you can’t be both which I think is just a travesty). You know, useful stuff like that.

Not to mention, you can post photos of you and your friends blind drunk, partially dressed and using body language that is certainly not safe for work…
You can also add every person you’ve ever had a conversation with/breathed on/lived with/gone to school with/worked with/met through a friend of a friend of a friend to your “friends” list.

So ridiculous, yet so addictive.

However, lately my relationship with facebook has changed a little. Facebook, much like Twitter, has made me realise that my life is boring. All my status updates are about uni assignments, how much I hate uni, how I’m staying in every weekend so I can think about uni assignments and how I can’t wait to graduate from uni.

Yeah, real insightful.

Also, my frienemy facebook has started to get a little bossy and demanding. I find this a bit off putting. I mean, I know we’re close and all, but I don’t know if that means it’s ok to boss me around when it comes to who I hang out with. Facebook judges my relationships, tells me who to be friends with and is mean to those who aren’t as successful at making friends.

Since facebook changed and is no longer the facebook I fell in love with, it has told me to “reconnect” with my husband. My own husband. Like we’ve grown apart or something. Well, screw you facebook. We’re happily married. He just goes away a bit for work.

I think it’s also a little personal when facebook tells me to “poke” him. What the hubby and I do behind closed doors (and when we do it) is nobody’s business but ours! How dare you, facebook! How dare you?!

I also don’t like the way that facebook talks smack about my mama. So what if she “only” has 16 facebook friends? That’s because she picks her friends carefully and believes in quality over quantity.

Maybe I haven’t talked to a few people lately because I’ve been a little busy?! As you would know from all my dull status updates! Stop pushing me, facebook! Stop pushing!

OK, so this post is mostly tongue in cheek. I will still use facebook and I won’t be joining any of those whiney groups with titles like “The New Facebook Sucks, Change it Back” that pop up every time the site updates its look or its functions.

However, while I am so addicted to this procrastination device a large part of me cannot wait to finish studying, because this will signal the end of an obsessive facebook era. And I can’t wait

Don’t you hate when people blog about dreams?

So, last night I had this dream that I was catching up with a guy I went to high school with. He had a huge, ugly flower shaped diamond ring on his left ring finger. So I asked him what that was about…he said he had it because when he bought the proper engagement ring (whether that was for him or a female partner I do not know), he was obliged to buy the horrendous looking one also as part of a deal.

I then told him I had two engagement rings (one being mine and the other being my great grandmother’s). I then followed up by saying in a sassy manner to him, “Don’t be gettin’ jelly just ’cause my rings are more attractive than yours.”

Because, you know. That’s how I totally speak all the time in real life. And you know, I’m so competitive when it comes to men and their diamond rings…

WTF, subconscious? What the f*ck?

 

If I lived in Australia….

Hey guys,
I was lucky enough to get paired with the amazing Courtney who writes the blog Seriously: I am 23 going on 75 . I think we might just get along based just on her blog title!! So please enjoy her awesome blog and I hope you visit her site to find my guest post on her site.

It’s Blog Swap Time, ya’ll know how it works.

I’m invading Kez’s bloggy world today. I’m Courtney from Colorado (yea, it’s a mouthful, I dare you to say that 10x fast) and sometimes I wonder if I seriously am 25 or like 79… I’ve had alot of changes this year. I had my dad move to China for a year, I moved back home to live with my menopausal mother (she’s in denial), a 9-year-old brother, and a Golden Retriever Border Collie mix named Hailey, who barks at all hours. I dated a boy, then got dumped, and am now single and playing the field. Some days I have very social weeks full of dates and plans, and other weeks I’m stuck at home, wondering if I have a life. But enough about me…

I have never been to Australia. (Heck, up until two years ago I had never been outside of the United States except for Canada when I was like 12.) Honestly, the only things I can think of when I think of Australia are from MTV’s the Real World Sydney, surfing, hot guys, wallabies, and that famous building…what’s it called? Oh, the Opera House.

I bet that half the stuff I just mentioned are just stereotypes and all the people that actually live or have been to Australia are shaking their heads at me, or giving me the evil eye. But I might actually get the chance to go there next year. You see, my friend from college met a boy from there online. Anyways, she basically wants to move there but there’s been a bunch of complications with her visa, but I guess all of those problems will go away if she marries the boy. So, she’s getting married. Next year. In May or April. Obviously since it’ll be so far away, pretty much no one but her family will make it but if I could, I would go, just to say I’ve been there.

If I visited or even lived there like she’s about to, I would visit the Opera House, just so I could say I did that. I don’t really know if I would surf, I’m more of a lay-by-the-ocean-with-a-good-book kinda girl. But I totally would love to snorkel in the Great Barrier Reef and go whale watching. I would want to take in a game of cricket, just because I’ve never seen that sport played before. I would definitely imbibe in some fine Aussie beers and admire the hot boys (hey, I’m single). Oh, and take lots of pictures. I love doing that on my trips. If there are mountains, I would go hiking. But most of all I would relax, and enjoy the sun.

Anything else I should see or do while I’m there?

Adoptionally Challenged: Smart Asian with pushy parents?

I don’t know if you lovely readers know this, but I have been doing  a minor in counselling at my university. This semester we have been doing our usual role play activities where we play the counsellor or the client. We usually bring real issues from our lives to make the experience as authentic as it can be.

So of course, when debriefing from our role plays we talk about the issues and how you should best deal with them from a counselling viewpoint.

One time I played a client. I talked about my need to be perfect. Of course, this is an unattainable state to be in so I talked about how I needed to cut myself some slack when it comes to my studies.

Yesterday, a loving and caring lady pulled me aside telling me she had meant to talk to me for a long time since that particular role play. She wanted to reassure me that she understood my “cultural” background and that she could see the conflict I might experience between wanting to please my parents and by myself…

Um…wait. Hold up. Back that truck up. Say, what?!

I broke it to her quite politely (but bluntly) that I am adopted so I don’t have that cultural background – you know – the stereotype of the pushy Asian parents who force their children to overachieve. She looked a little shocked, but still didn’t understand.

Not to mention, I’m 25 years old and have been living independently with my husband for several years so while I care about my parents’ opinions, I have nothing stopping me from doing what I believe in or not doing something that someone might want to pressure me into doing. That’s not how I roll! Not once during the role play (or any other time) had I mentioned any pressure from my parents.

I knew this would happen. The lady from counselling wanted so badly for her belief in what my life must be like to be the truth, that she tried to spin it in a way that suited her. She kept insisting that it must still be an issue.

I told her that yes, trying to be perfect is a problem I have but not in the way she thought. I told her that it does come from being rejected so early in life and not wanting to be rejected again.

She wandered off at that point.

This is an issue that concerns me. These students (there was another guy who held this belief) are going to be tomorrow’s counsellors. I understand that they are still learning and will hopefully one day realise that you cannot project your preconceived notions on a client. However, it does bring the issue to light.

So to anyone who is going into a counselling type field…do NOT assume that you have someone figured out. For example, if a young, Asian person comes to you talking about the pressure to be perfect and about the challenges they face in their academic pursuits, do not project those stereotypes onto them. Let them tell their stories. If you do not, you risk missing out on the client’s bigger picture. You also damage any rapport or connection that you are trying to make. I know that personally, if I went into a counsellor’s office and had them make that assumption, I wouldn’t go back. I’ve spent a lot of my life talking to “brick walls” aka people who demand something of me because I look different – in this case, the need to reassure them that their preconceived notions of me are correct – even if they are not.

For people in general, do not assume you have someone figured out before finding out more. Take a person like me at face value and all will be revealed how that person would like it to be.

Just to put things into perspective: When I think about white people whose parents pressure them immensely to overachieve academically, at least 5 families I knew growing up fit the bill. It is not just some kind of Asian phenomenon. I am not saying there is not some cultural truth to the stereotype, but I am saying that we need to remember that certain types of behaviour or expectations are not exclusive to one race or other. We need to see past someone’s appearance and really listen to what they are saying.

Thankyou so much for making it through this post. I sense that perhaps this Adoptionally Challenged series makes some readers uncomfortable (due to lack of comments whenever I make an installment). I just want you to know that I am setting things straight about my life. I might be a bit brutally honest about how it feels when someone gets it wrong, but my goal is not to alienate people. Do not be afraid of offending me. The fact that you are reading this tells me that you want to learn more.

Things that make me realise I’m getting older.

I’ve really found that since about the age of 23 (who knows why that age has been the catalyst), I’ve been noticing differences in myself. Things that make me realise that I won’t ever be the ever youthful girl with the 16 year old body/outlook/experiences anymore. In some ways this makes me joyful. Because, really – I don’t need to be writing emo poetry, wallowing in self pity and obsessing over boys/BFFs who will only bring me grief. Plus, you couldn’t pay me enough money to go back to high school again!!!

However, some of the things I’ve noticed recently just really make me wonder what the hell is going on and why won’t time stop?!

1. The other week I woke up from a particularly deep sleep and started to get ready for my day as usual. It took two whole hours for the wrinkly lines created by the creases of my bedsheets to disappear from the side of my face. This was not amusing. TWO HOURS!

2. I don’t party on weeknights. It’s not because I choose not to. It’s just because I am not capable. I will have puffy eyes and a hangover for a week. Not kidding. A WEEK!

3. Red bull is too strong for me. Back in the day, I would drink those guarana/caffeine energy drinks like they were going out of fashion. Now? I drink half a can of red bull (not even the big ones) and I feel woozy. Once I took 7 hours to finish a similar drink called Mother. And I didn’t feel any more energetic. SEVEN HOURS!

4. You might have read about the discovery of my first grey hair? I have vowed to keep colouring my hair so that I never notice any more greys that may emerge in coming years. My hairdressing spending budget may increase exponentially (if the hubby is reading this – I am terribly sorry).

5. I don’t care what old people think of me anymore. I am not totally about impressing everyone’s parents anymore. Does this mean I’m one of them?? Although, the other week I told my friend’s mum to scull (how do you spell that?!) her champagne after dinner because everyone wanted to leave. And she thought her daughter was the bad influence on me!!

6. My “dad” humour is getting out of control. This morning I got in a facebook commenting frenzy with some people I’ve never heard of. We were making egg jokes. I think I used all of my extra (egg-stra?) awesome jokes (yolks?) that I usually save for Easter. Will need more material for next Easter. Or in true “dad” fashion, I guess I should just recycle the same ones over and over forever. Doesn’t matter that I’m a 25 year old female, sans kids does it??

7. I religiously reset my odometer “trip distance” setting each time I fill up my car with fuel. Apparently, I need to know how many kilometres I’m getting to the tankful. Even though I don’t even actually ever really check. But one day I might want to. So I reset it anyway. You know. Just in case.

8. Sometimes I write angry letters.

Passive Aggressive is the new Bitchy.

Passive aggression is so f*cking lame fun. A couple of classics have leapt out at me in the last couple of days.

1. I try on a gorgeous bubble skirted dress. It’s black and goes midway down my thigh (like halfway between the vajay and the knee – go on – measure it out right now as you read this) in a classy way. I’m not a tart. The woman at the counter says, “This is such a nice top. I have one too.”

Lady, it’s a dress.

B*tch, please!

2. I pull up to a local shop. I accidentally (softly) hit the rather high kerbing that I wasn’t aware of. I pull back into reverse and drop down off the kerb. It made a little scraping sound but I know my car is OK. I get out and look at the front bumper just in case (which is fine as suspected) and some man that was watching me the entire time (and laughing with that smug wanker kind of expression) says to me deadpan and sarcastic like, “Don’t worry, it’s just a car.”

It’s kind of like when you go out on the town in a cocktail dress and some smarmy cow comes up and says “Moo Aren’t you cold in that?”

Or when you’re ordering food at a restaurant and someone says, “I could never eat that much. I have to watch my figure!”

Or you get a new haircut and someone says, “Oh, I see you got your hair done *pregnant pause* Do you like it?”

How about when you get your school report/performance appraisal and your superior has written down, “Worked to the best of their ability.”
What are they suggesting your ability is? Short bus ability?

Like, seriously. What the eff? And we wonder why there are Mean Girls in every high school. Just come out and say it, so we all save ourselves a lot of time.

You’re fat, a little bit slow, you’re a slutty dresser with an unflattering hairstyle and you don’t care about your expensive belongings. You bad driver, you.

There. Easy, right? Or perhaps don’t say anything at all because it’s none of your business. Simple!

I’ve never let any of these things get me down, but I am fascinated by the creative ways in which people can be bitchy! You know that feeling when you walk away and you think, “Oh no you didn’t!”
Then you shake your head, laugh a little at humankind’s ridiculosity (I might have made that word up) and think about how to blog about it

I’m probably being a hypocrite blogging about it, I admit. Blogging can be very passive aggressive because you use words and stuff to say cleverly constructed mean things about mean people who will probably never read it…Hey, I’m not perfect! I am terribly sorry. Kind of like when Chris Brown was sorry. Or like when Kanye West said he was gonna let Taylor Swift finish. Ouch.

So… hey, I like how you manage to dress so cheaply during this recession…

Anyone heard some passive aggressive classics lately? Care to share?