Lately the talk of children has been thick in the air. Other people’s children, that is! I suppose I am at that age where my friends are starting to get knocked up, and people are expecting the hubby and I to follow suit. Can I just mention that there are no plans for now?! I am only just finishing university and I have the makings of a career to get on with, as well as spending much needed time with the husband before we think about adding sleeplessness, morning sickness and all manner of poop to our life events! Upon reflection, that kind of sounds like the uni life…oh dear…see why I’m not ready yet?
Overzealous relatives, take note! No babies happening soon!!
Last weekend we spent a lot of time with our godson (1 year old) and his sister (3 years old) who were getting baptised. We had an amazing time, but I did realise that it takes a certain amount of superhuman strength to have kiddlywinks!
The weekend statistics:
4 Bubble blowing sessions:
Lots of fun until you run out of detergent solution and Miss 3 starts huffing and puffing a soapie kind of spittle all over you while laughing her head off in that evil way that only little girls can.
2 “Picnics”:
This is a very precise routine. You must first lay down a rug. You will be ordered to help make it straight. Then you must sit on the rug and let Miss 3 pour you a cup of imaginary tea from her Disney themed tea set. You must be seen to drink and enjoy the imaginary tea or you will face disapproving looks. You must also pretend to eat a plastic chicken drumstick – after it has been in the mouth of Mr 1. If Mr 1 wanders over and tries to eat a plastic spoon from the picnic kit, you must break up the sibling fight. Immediately.
6 Games of Hide and Seek:
Of course, you have to be the ’seeker’ first. You must count to five and then when Miss 3 is out of earshot you simply carry on your conversation with the other grown ups. After a couple of minutes of peace, you must shout, “Ready or not, here I come!”
This is followed by wandering around the house/backyard pretending you cannot see Miss3 hiding in the same place as usual. If you get close to her, she will giggle very conspicuously. When you are tired of pretending you can’t find her, you act surprised to see her under the trampoline/wrapped in her bedspread!
When you are the ‘hider’, you don’t really have to do too much besides crouch somewhere and cover your face with your hands (that apparently makes you invisible). You will overhear Miss 3 counting, “1…2…3…5…ready or not…I come!”
Miss 3 will pretend she can’t find you for a very extended period of time while the other grown ups will laugh at you.
If you are sick of playing Hide and Seek, you pretend to be a tree while falling over giggling and she will give up because you are clearly being very lame.
3 Toilet Training Sessions:
Miss 3 will know what to do, but you must keep her focused. For example, remind her to pull her pants back up afterwards or she will run around the house with them around her ankles.
Also, while she is peeing it is important to watch her every move while she grunts and squeals despite only doing number 1s. If you go to close the door ever so slightly, she will cry out with anxiety and indignation that you wouldn’t want to watch.
Do not forget about all the toilet training paraphernalia that needs removing from the toilet when you need to do your own business later.
53 “Not Yet”s:
Any time you suggest something to Miss 3, such as washing her hands after going to the toilet, wiping her bottom after going to the toilet, saying goodnight to you, eating her breakfast etc, she will reply with “Not yet” in a very authoritative tone. You must not be fooled by this, and must be persistent where it counts.
15 000 000 Photographs of Miss 3 and Mr 1:
Yep, they’re so adorable and I had an amazing time with them.
I’m so in love with those kids and I enjoy every minute with them (minus the toilet thing)! However, by the end of the weekend I was so exhausted. I needed a LOT of sleep and some time to recover from the shock to my system that is children!! I honestly don’t know how parents do it. I was so ready to go home and have a tiny break – yep, I’m weak and pathetic!
One day the hubby and I will have our own little whipper-snappers, but for now it’s nice to be the honorary Aunt and Uncle who show up, make a mess, hype the children up and then go home!!

Image courtesy of 
